been a little while...

I know that it has been a little while since I last posted.  It's made me pretty sad that I have not been able to keep up with it.  I feel like things have gotten away from me lately, and the past months ran by without taking me along.  Here's how things have been playing out.
In February we got a puppy, Charlie.  He is pretty much one of the best things to happen to me.  Now I know how proud moms feel.  I have tons of pictures on phone and pretty much make up reasons to brag about him.

Isn't he the most adorable thing you've ever seen?  Maybe I'm just a little biased.  Charlie has been running my life!  It's like having a baby.  I worry about him while I'm at work.  For the first few nights I would wake up and think I heard him crying.  For the first week we had him, my husband was away, so I spent a lot of my time just following Charlie around.  It's kind of incredible how much care they require.  The most frustrating part was that, unlike a child once they reach toddler age, he couldn't tell me what he needed.  I just had to keep guessing.  Charlie has kept me guessing, but has brought so much joy to our lives.  Wheaten Terriers are known for the greeting they give everyone who comes into their home, especially their humans.  Coming home from work to that little face everyday, jumping with joy to see you, can really help a bad day melt away.  Charlie time is my favorite time!  

I also spent some time working on myself.  The spring time has been tough for me so far this year.  It is the busy season at work, lots of tempers flaring.  Work has been taxing emotionally lately and I have been struggling not to take things personally.  I am very contentious and so any time anyone is unhappy, I take it as a direct reflection of my work.  Even if what is going on has nothing at all to do with me.  Am I self-centered?  Or is it really just because I hate conflict?  I couldn't tell you.  But what I can tell you is that I find this is a problem a lot of young, female professionals face.  Fortunately I have an amazing support system at work.  I share a work space with 4 other amazing women who challenge and support me everyday.  We have created a sacred space where we all can admit to our shortcomings without judgment, voice concerns and receive useful and innovative feedback, and laugh about the crazy things that happen during our days.  I have heard more times than I can count that personal life and professional life should be kept separate, but as someone who takes their professional life so personally, it has been so helpful to find a few individuals at work with whom I can be myself.  We have laughed together and kept each other from crying with frustration and all in all, done an amazing job of supporting each other throughout.  Our job has many ups, downs, and stressful daily moments and I have a tough time dealing with them alone.  

Reflecting upon myself has required a lot of hard work.  I did a lot of this alone while tackling the task of taking down wallpaper and painting the bare walls and trim.  When I'm having a tough time, I often turn to cleaning.  My grandmother always told my mom that when she was having a bad day to "wash your kitchen floors, scour your pots, wash your windows."  What she knew that we didn't, was cleaning gives you a systematic way to release all the energy you build up.  When I'm struggling, my mind goes on and on and on and on, and then I turn to shopping.  I may not be able to control what goes on in my head, but I can control what people see on the outside.  Regulating my wardrobe is a huge part of how I try and de-stress.  In the long run, it only causes more stress: buyer's remorse, poor financial choices, all that jazz.  Cleaning however, is a great and productive (and financial guilt free!) way to clear your mind.  For me, painting requires so much attention to detail that I must focus 100% of my attention on not messing up.  And I get instant results!  Bonus!  No one can critique me until I am sure the walls are perfect!  I can do it alone without over thinking it!  It's also amazing how responsive Charlie has been to my moods.  He knows exactly when I'm off and how to deal with it.  He jumps up into my lap and is happy to sit there and let me talk to him about my day.  I am a huge advocate of puppy therapy.  

My other favorite coping strategy lately - painting my nails.  Another chance to be perfect without disrupting anyone else.  This little indulgence is just for myself.  No one can take that time away from me because I have to sit quietly, without my phone and computer, and let them dry.  I've gotten pretty good at it.  Sometimes I'm painting them once a week.  Other weeks I'm painting them once a day.  Control. Perfection. Erase errors quickly.  Instant results.  Total concentration required.  The ultimate coping mechanism for the girl who over-thinks.  Once I'm polished to perfection I feel like I can take on the world.  

Through my soul searching the past few months I have realized that when I feel shaky on the inside I am always sure to put a strong front on the outside.  Pushing myself to always wear a smile started to wear away at me and led to a heart to heart with one of my (many) supervisors.  He told me that on top of worrying about all the things I worry about, I shouldn't be concerned with stopping my over thinking right now.  He put me at ease letting me know that what I'm going through is very common for my age and that he went through the same thing.  He said it took him years to learn to really be confident in all situations and never question himself.  He reminded me that it is okay to show weakness and to let things bother me (within reason).  It is okay to be human.  By trying to always be perfect and keep everyone happy I was sacrificing my own happiness.  At this point I cracked a joke about myself and he laughed and said that as long as I could laugh at myself, he knew I would be fine.  He promised to always reassure me I was doing the right things.  These reminders are something I value, as I have found that not many of my young professional friends feel supported in this way.  We left his office and headed to another meeting laughing, and I knew that all the work I was doing was slowly paying off. I realized that among the other things I worried about each day, I did not need to also worry about worrying.  It made no sense.  

Now that I have worked on myself, I feel better I feel better equipped to get back into my blogging.  Part of taking care of myself is doing things that I enjoy.  And writing here is one of them!  I hope that anyone else who has felt this way finds this little beacon of hope that it will all be fine and things are not worth sacrificing your own happiness.  Take time for yourself.  Relax.  Practice yogs (I start again tomorrow night with my best girlfriend!).  Walk the dog.  Read that new book you have put off.  Take a bubble bath.  Paint your nails.  Clean.  Focus that energy on something productive.  Something that will leave a mark on your life.  Remember to be the one in control of your life, an only attempt to manage what is reasonable for one person!  

xx

Skin Care Favorites

I have a love/hate relationship with my skin.  I love it because it has been pretty self-sufficient.  I hate it because I am getting to an age where I really notice a difference if I don't get the right amount of sleep and take my makeup off every night.  In my early 20s I could fall asleep with a full face of makeup on after a long night out with girlfriends, wake up, run a wash cloth over my face, and be fresh and clean for brunch.  Now as my late 20s roll through I notice more dry spots, problem areas, dark circles...all the great things that come with wisdom (maybe it's really just age...).  Up until my grandmother passed away she always had the softest, most radiant skin I had ever seen.  I remember even in her last days her skin still was fabulous.  She believed that pampering her skin was not a luxury but necessity.  Growing up I was so busy I never took her words to  heart.  I moisturized when I remembered, wore minimal makeup, and minimal products.  I have really jump started a skin care regimen that has me clean, glowing, and looking awake and refreshed (even when I'm not!).  Here are the 6 easy products I have fallen in love with.  

[1] Origins Active Charcoal Mask: Oh my gosh!  This mask is wonderful!  I found it as a sample from Sephora.  It looks really scary and harsh when applying it to your face, but it feels great when you take it off.  I try and use it once per week to keep my face clean, clear, and smooth.  

[2] St. Ives Apricot Cleanser: I can't find this cleanser in Target, where I usually get my products, but had to hunt it down.  I found it a grocery store a few towns over...its worth the hike.  The cleanser is much more gentle for daily use.  It has a smaller content of exfoliators, so it does not take off too much skin.  It is a great cleanser to use morning and night, gentle but effective on makeup and daily grime. 

[3] Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion: This moisturizer has been in my repertoire for years because it never changes. If its not broke, don't fix it!  I love the feeling of my skin after putting on this moisturizer.  In the morning I apply after washing my face and dry my hair while letting it sink in.  Once dry it provides a great base for makeup and leaves me glowing without makeup.  

[4] Kiehl's Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado: I dreaded getting to the age where I needed eye cream.  As soon as I started using this, I wished I had sooner.  It is great.  Smooth, creamy, blends well.  I like to use it before my eyeshadow.  It acts as a great primer and keeps even the most delicate of eyeshadows in place all day.  At night it goes on cool to refresh my skin after a day of squinting at the computer.  

[5] St. Ives Apricot Scrub: I've kept this scrub in my bathroom for as long as I can remember.  It is more harsh than the cleanser so I try to only use it once or twice per week.  I also love it for rough knees and elbows.  I find the best way to exfoliate without ripping off all my skin is in a gentle circular motion.  If your skin is tugging and pulling with your hand, you're pushing too hard.  Exfoliator should buff off the dead and damaged skin, so rubbing it on top of the skin, rather than scrubbing hard, is more effective.  Taking off too much skin isn't good either so keep it gentle to get the perfect glow.  

[6] Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes: These are a God-send for busy girls on the go.  They take makeup off quickly and effectively.  They have dissolved even the most stubborn of waterproof mascara.  That dark, sexy, smoky eye for a party - gone in two seconds with a single swipe!  Sometimes they do feel like they leave a little film, so I like to swipe over my skin with a wet cotton ball or toner afterwards.  

Any make up favorites I haven't tried?  Send them over!

Happy New *You*

I apologize for becoming a little neglectful of my posts.  I really enjoy writing and taking photos for the blog.  Sometimes it is hard for me to find a good balance of work, family, life, and posts.  This New Year gives me an opportunity to think in terms of New *You*.  So many times resolutions are made, only to be broken months, days, weeks, even hour after.  I feel that having resolve is the key thing; we should have resolve to meet our goals, rather than make resolutions.  To me "resolution" sounds like we are clearing things up, rather than meeting or achieving new standards of success.  My list of goals is pretty extensive.  I tend to be a little OCD and accomplish everything at once.  This is physically impossible and despite that I am always crushed when I cannot meet my own challenging goals.  This year, among many other things, I want to take things slow.  Set goals I know I can get to without overwhelming myself.  Posting regularly here is one of those things.  It is a great outlet, a forum to share things with everyone, anyone really.  I will keep updating briefly on goals I've set for this year and get set on a solid schedule of posts.  I hope that you are having a wonderful 2013 and that your aspirations for the year come easily! 
xox